Toolkit
Like all other tools, the quality of the results depends on the way that you use them.
In coaching one of the biggest influences on the results is the intention behind the question. Any intention you may have, however benign, can be heard in the tone of your voice, your delivery, and the matching between your words and your body language. Yes, people can hear your body language even over the phone! So, we at C4E presume that you self-manage, ie that you remove your intentions from the coaching and be as neutral as possible. At the same time as being neutral you also tend towards the positive rather than the negative, and have focus on the future rather than the past.
In coaching one of the biggest influences on the results is the intention behind the question. Any intention you may have, however benign, can be heard in the tone of your voice, your delivery, and the matching between your words and your body language. Yes, people can hear your body language even over the phone! So, we at C4E presume that you self-manage, ie that you remove your intentions from the coaching and be as neutral as possible. At the same time as being neutral you also tend towards the positive rather than the negative, and have focus on the future rather than the past.
METAPHORS
Metaphors are descriptions that imply comparison, and can communicate a deeper meaning. In coaching, metaphors can help to unearth meanings that are just below the surface.
We can use the following in our questions as vehicles for our metaphors (the word 'vehicle' is a metaphor)
the Weather. What kind of weather is this? If this were some kind of weather, what would it be? If this was weather, it would be what?
Animals, Transport, Films and Music... can also be used.
Metaphors are descriptions that imply comparison, and can communicate a deeper meaning. In coaching, metaphors can help to unearth meanings that are just below the surface.
We can use the following in our questions as vehicles for our metaphors (the word 'vehicle' is a metaphor)
the Weather. What kind of weather is this? If this were some kind of weather, what would it be? If this was weather, it would be what?
Animals, Transport, Films and Music... can also be used.
CAPTAIN & CREW
From the Coaches Training Institute, Co-Active Coaching
You are the Captain of your ship (metaphor).
Who do you have in your crew to support you?
Who are you - in this situation?
Who else do you need to have with you?
From the Coaches Training Institute, Co-Active Coaching
You are the Captain of your ship (metaphor).
Who do you have in your crew to support you?
Who are you - in this situation?
Who else do you need to have with you?
LOGICAL LEVELS
A guide for the coaching conversation
Surroundings Describe the place around you
Behaviours What you usually do?
Capabilities What you can do, or learn to do?
Values What's important to you, what's asking for your attention?
Identity Who you are when you are in this situation, who you can be?
Mission What is your purpose in this situation?
A guide for the coaching conversation
Surroundings Describe the place around you
Behaviours What you usually do?
Capabilities What you can do, or learn to do?
Values What's important to you, what's asking for your attention?
Identity Who you are when you are in this situation, who you can be?
Mission What is your purpose in this situation?
VALUES
What's important to you in this situation?
Which values are not being respected in this situation?
Which values are calling for your attention?
Values mining
This value is an example of what? (Repeat)
What's important to you in this situation?
Which values are not being respected in this situation?
Which values are calling for your attention?
Values mining
This value is an example of what? (Repeat)
POWERFUL QUESTIONS
We all need more powerful questions, so here's a hundred
1. I’m curious; may I ask you a few questions?
2. What’s great about your life this week?
3. How have you grown this week?
4. What did you accomplish this week?
5. Who did you serve?
6. What did you learn?
7. Who else will benefit?
8. What are you grateful for?
9. Who’s grateful for you?
10. Is this what you want to be coached on or are you just sharing?
11. What could you be happy about if you chose to be?
12. Are you using this to grow or are you beating yourself up?
13. Does this story empower you or disempower you?
14. How can you turn this around and have better results next time?
15. On a scale of 1 – 10 how honest have you been about this, with others?
16. May I offer an observation?
17. Is this the problem or the solution?
18. How would you like it to be?
19. What’s in the way?
20. What’s stopping you?
21. What does this mean to you?
22. Are you focused on what’s wrong or what’s right?
23. Is that a story or the truth?
24. How can you find out?
25. Do you want this for its own sake or are you trying to avoid something else?
26. Is this giving you energy or draining your energy?
27. What will really make the biggest difference here?
28. Is this just a limitation or can it be seen as a strength?
29. What’s the benefit of this problem?
30. Who else is this hurting?
31. What does your intuition tell you about this?
32. What is your gut feeling about this?
33. How have you solved problems like this before?
34. What rules do you have that are getting in the way?
35. How long have you been thinking about this?
36. When you experienced something like this before, what did you do?
37. If you changed your belief about this, what would be possible?
38. Is this a decision or a pipe dream?
39. Which of your core values does this goal express?
40. Is this goal pulling you forward or are you struggling to reach it?
41. Will this choice move you forward or keep you stuck?
42. What’s the first step you need to take to reach your goal?
43. What’s the worst that can happen, and how can you handle that?
44. What’s the downside of your dream?
45. What’s stopping you from taking action?
46. Who wouldn’t like it if you succeeded?
47. What will you have to give up in order to make room for your goals?
48. How would your life be transformed if you changed this right now?
49. If you don’t change this, what will it cost you in the long run?
50. What’s the most resourceful choice here?
51. How can you improve this, so it adds value forever?
52. How can you solve this problem so it never comes back?
53. Are you acting on faith or fear?
54. If you weren’t scared, what would you do?
55. Are you standing in your power or pleasing someone else?
56. What are you pretending not to know?
57. How could you have this conversation so it empowers everyone concerned?
58. What might make the difference that could change everything?
59. If you approached this with courage, how could your life change?
60. Are you procrastinating or is there a reason to delay?
61. What’s the emotional cost vs. the financial cost?
62. Which step could you take that would make the biggest difference, right now?
63. How can you get your needs fully met?
64. If your life were exclusively oriented around your values, what would that be like?
65. How would you describe the difference between a need and a value?
66. If you achieve this goal, will it bring lasting fulfillment or temporary pleasure?
67. Have you thought about the impact you’ll have by creating this?
68. How can you learn from this problem so it never happens again?
69. How can you create more value with less effort?
70. What are you willing to do to improve this situation?
71. What are you willing to stop doing to improve this situation?
72. How can you enjoy the process of solving this problem?
73. Do you mind if I ask a very personal question?
74. What are you willing to commit to here?
75. Do you need to work harder or delegate this?
76. If this weakness were also a strength, what would that be?
77. How can you use this so it becomes a benefit?
78. Have you decided to take action or are you just hoping you will?
79. Are you angry or are you hurt?
80. Who can help you with this?
81. Does your current habitat fully support who you’re becoming?
82. What do you need in order to succeed here?
83. What plan do you need in order to achieve your new goals?
84. Are your personal standards high enough to reach your goals?
85. What will your impact be 100 years from now?
86. Who do you need to become in order to succeed here?
87. What are you responsible for here?
88. Instead of either/or, how could you use both?
89. Are you approaching this from your head or from your heart?
90. Is this an assumption or have you checked to be sure?
91. How can you learn what you need to know about this?
92. Is this the best outcome you can imagine or is there something greater?
93. Do you have a detailed strategy to get there?
94. How will you transform your life with this new knowledge?
95. What does this accomplishment mean to you?
96. Why does it matter?
97. Who did you have to become to achieve it?
98. What did you learn in the process?
99. Who else will benefit?
100. What’s next for you?
We all need more powerful questions, so here's a hundred
1. I’m curious; may I ask you a few questions?
2. What’s great about your life this week?
3. How have you grown this week?
4. What did you accomplish this week?
5. Who did you serve?
6. What did you learn?
7. Who else will benefit?
8. What are you grateful for?
9. Who’s grateful for you?
10. Is this what you want to be coached on or are you just sharing?
11. What could you be happy about if you chose to be?
12. Are you using this to grow or are you beating yourself up?
13. Does this story empower you or disempower you?
14. How can you turn this around and have better results next time?
15. On a scale of 1 – 10 how honest have you been about this, with others?
16. May I offer an observation?
17. Is this the problem or the solution?
18. How would you like it to be?
19. What’s in the way?
20. What’s stopping you?
21. What does this mean to you?
22. Are you focused on what’s wrong or what’s right?
23. Is that a story or the truth?
24. How can you find out?
25. Do you want this for its own sake or are you trying to avoid something else?
26. Is this giving you energy or draining your energy?
27. What will really make the biggest difference here?
28. Is this just a limitation or can it be seen as a strength?
29. What’s the benefit of this problem?
30. Who else is this hurting?
31. What does your intuition tell you about this?
32. What is your gut feeling about this?
33. How have you solved problems like this before?
34. What rules do you have that are getting in the way?
35. How long have you been thinking about this?
36. When you experienced something like this before, what did you do?
37. If you changed your belief about this, what would be possible?
38. Is this a decision or a pipe dream?
39. Which of your core values does this goal express?
40. Is this goal pulling you forward or are you struggling to reach it?
41. Will this choice move you forward or keep you stuck?
42. What’s the first step you need to take to reach your goal?
43. What’s the worst that can happen, and how can you handle that?
44. What’s the downside of your dream?
45. What’s stopping you from taking action?
46. Who wouldn’t like it if you succeeded?
47. What will you have to give up in order to make room for your goals?
48. How would your life be transformed if you changed this right now?
49. If you don’t change this, what will it cost you in the long run?
50. What’s the most resourceful choice here?
51. How can you improve this, so it adds value forever?
52. How can you solve this problem so it never comes back?
53. Are you acting on faith or fear?
54. If you weren’t scared, what would you do?
55. Are you standing in your power or pleasing someone else?
56. What are you pretending not to know?
57. How could you have this conversation so it empowers everyone concerned?
58. What might make the difference that could change everything?
59. If you approached this with courage, how could your life change?
60. Are you procrastinating or is there a reason to delay?
61. What’s the emotional cost vs. the financial cost?
62. Which step could you take that would make the biggest difference, right now?
63. How can you get your needs fully met?
64. If your life were exclusively oriented around your values, what would that be like?
65. How would you describe the difference between a need and a value?
66. If you achieve this goal, will it bring lasting fulfillment or temporary pleasure?
67. Have you thought about the impact you’ll have by creating this?
68. How can you learn from this problem so it never happens again?
69. How can you create more value with less effort?
70. What are you willing to do to improve this situation?
71. What are you willing to stop doing to improve this situation?
72. How can you enjoy the process of solving this problem?
73. Do you mind if I ask a very personal question?
74. What are you willing to commit to here?
75. Do you need to work harder or delegate this?
76. If this weakness were also a strength, what would that be?
77. How can you use this so it becomes a benefit?
78. Have you decided to take action or are you just hoping you will?
79. Are you angry or are you hurt?
80. Who can help you with this?
81. Does your current habitat fully support who you’re becoming?
82. What do you need in order to succeed here?
83. What plan do you need in order to achieve your new goals?
84. Are your personal standards high enough to reach your goals?
85. What will your impact be 100 years from now?
86. Who do you need to become in order to succeed here?
87. What are you responsible for here?
88. Instead of either/or, how could you use both?
89. Are you approaching this from your head or from your heart?
90. Is this an assumption or have you checked to be sure?
91. How can you learn what you need to know about this?
92. Is this the best outcome you can imagine or is there something greater?
93. Do you have a detailed strategy to get there?
94. How will you transform your life with this new knowledge?
95. What does this accomplishment mean to you?
96. Why does it matter?
97. Who did you have to become to achieve it?
98. What did you learn in the process?
99. Who else will benefit?
100. What’s next for you?
the PURPOSE BEHIND the COMPLAINT
Turning complaints around to find the purpose that's behind the complaint.
What values are not being respected in this situation?
Turning complaints around to find the purpose that's behind the complaint.
What values are not being respected in this situation?
tGROW
A framework for the coaching conversation
t = the topic that the has been previously chosen
G = Goals, specifically. What do you want to achieve?
R = Reality. How do you currently perceive your situation?
O = Opportunities. What are some of the paths that could take you towards your goal?
W = Will. How willing are you to take steps to walk along one of those paths?
A framework for the coaching conversation
t = the topic that the has been previously chosen
G = Goals, specifically. What do you want to achieve?
R = Reality. How do you currently perceive your situation?
O = Opportunities. What are some of the paths that could take you towards your goal?
W = Will. How willing are you to take steps to walk along one of those paths?
FUTURE SELF
Source your inspiration, by looking at the desirable future.
If you imagine that you have travelled in time to when this situation is "solved", what would it feel like? What is different? What steps did you take the week before to get here (pathway Metaphor)? What did you do before that... etc what was the first step you took after today?
Source your inspiration, by looking at the desirable future.
If you imagine that you have travelled in time to when this situation is "solved", what would it feel like? What is different? What steps did you take the week before to get here (pathway Metaphor)? What did you do before that... etc what was the first step you took after today?
PERSPECTIVES
It's useful to look at the situation from other perspectives.
How would the situation look like from the perspective of ...?
People Perspective
Colleagues, Students, Parents, Administrator, Jo Public
Younger / Older, from a different Time, from different Place, from a different Class,...
A Child from another country, Someone from 20 years in the future, a Great Leader, yourself as a child
A Role Model - people you look up to (real or imaginary)
Values Perspectives
Referring to the values that were noted earlier What's important to you, in this situation / when walking this path / regarding this goal?
Metaskills Perspectives
Referring to the metaskills that were noted earlier What's important to you, in this situation / when walking this path / regarding this goal?
It's useful to look at the situation from other perspectives.
How would the situation look like from the perspective of ...?
People Perspective
Colleagues, Students, Parents, Administrator, Jo Public
Younger / Older, from a different Time, from different Place, from a different Class,...
A Child from another country, Someone from 20 years in the future, a Great Leader, yourself as a child
A Role Model - people you look up to (real or imaginary)
Values Perspectives
Referring to the values that were noted earlier What's important to you, in this situation / when walking this path / regarding this goal?
Metaskills Perspectives
Referring to the metaskills that were noted earlier What's important to you, in this situation / when walking this path / regarding this goal?
DRAMA TRIANGLE and WINNER TRIANGLE
Relationships that include 'helping' and 'judging' can be described in three roles of the Drama Triangle (also known as the Victim Triangle).
Persecutor, the one who accuses, judges, chases...
Rescuer, the one who gives, helps, makes allowances...
Victim, the one who asks for help, accuses, chases...
If you hear the client accusing, judging, helping, making allowances, trying, asking for help... you can suspect that the client is in a Drama Triangle.
This triangle can become the Winner Triangle through long-term use of these three attitudes and actions
be Assertive, I say very clearly what I really mean
be Caring, I feel how the other person feels and want them to feel well
be Vulnerable, I allow myself to feel feelings that may be uncomfortable
Invite the client to say what they really mean, put themselves in the other person's shoes, allow themselves to feel uncomfortable.
Relationships that include 'helping' and 'judging' can be described in three roles of the Drama Triangle (also known as the Victim Triangle).
Persecutor, the one who accuses, judges, chases...
Rescuer, the one who gives, helps, makes allowances...
Victim, the one who asks for help, accuses, chases...
If you hear the client accusing, judging, helping, making allowances, trying, asking for help... you can suspect that the client is in a Drama Triangle.
This triangle can become the Winner Triangle through long-term use of these three attitudes and actions
be Assertive, I say very clearly what I really mean
be Caring, I feel how the other person feels and want them to feel well
be Vulnerable, I allow myself to feel feelings that may be uncomfortable
Invite the client to say what they really mean, put themselves in the other person's shoes, allow themselves to feel uncomfortable.
